My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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