life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize