birth control should be required to get into college
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
