I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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