so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
