she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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