There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
