I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
