Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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