We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
