It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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