I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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