I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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