I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wish my penis had a tongue
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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