More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
