eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
