Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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