I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
