They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
