so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
