Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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