I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
In America we eat man semen.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
