Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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