Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
