blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize