Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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