thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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