five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
