Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
