i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
