Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
