I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
