is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
