He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
