Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize