i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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