so explain again why im purple
no
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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