Well douche your snatch and let's go!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
