if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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