Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
