i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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