i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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