Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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