I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize