He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
