Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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