Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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