Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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