i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
