Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
