Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
