fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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