the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
