I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize