everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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