Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
