HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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