Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
