I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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