I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
