Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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