Pants 0. Shit 1.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
