that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
