apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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