She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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