Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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