Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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