just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
