dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
