She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
