Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
