NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
