Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Banned from zoo.
Again?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize