He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize