She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize