i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize