Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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