I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
