Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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