I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
