You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
is it fun? or sober?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize