He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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