Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The adults are the big ones right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
